It's been discussed in another article that the X-Ray scanners won't stop a committed bomber, but I'm bored from hearing statements like this :
"The Commission yesterday warned Johnson that discrimination on racial or religious grounds is illegal."
Why is discrimination on religious grounds illegal (I agree with racial discrimination being a bit shit)? I thought it was pretty clear that the folks who want to kill western people/any non-muslim (this time round) are Islamists? Why can't they/shouldn't they receive a bit more attention?
I'm not sure what it is now, but in Pakistan you used to have to prove you had an illness to get an alcohol allowance - so you basically had to prove that you were/are an alchy.
I wonder if they'll be doing the same thing here? You have to prove that wanking is a medical condition in order to get a 'license to wank'? The examination could be interesting. Ready, set... wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank...
Although in the article it's just the possession of porn that is illegal? So infact you could still wank, albeit with just a bit more use of your imagination. Perhaps that's it? The government of the Ukraine wants to stimulate the minds of its population more. They're not getting enough mental exercise. Rather than use their imaginations, hoards of Ukrainians just prefer to spend all of their time lurched-over the sofa, watching/reading filth and pumping their fists (or fingers - I'm not sexist).
This isn't censorship at all. It's Brain Training (like that wii/DS title) on a country-wide scale.
I had a big fat lady friend who got sucked-in by some 'Nigerian' chap from 'Manchester' on a dating site she subscribes to. Despite all the warning signs she continued to pursue it in the hope of a jump.
After a year (in which she was involved (through him) with the police), she finally questioned him about his credentials. All she got was a tirade of abuse. The abuse continued for months. His account was barred, so he joined-up with another account and continued the abuse.
In the end she left the site because she couldn't take it anymore. She didn't kill herself (she came close), but she did cry alot. And ate much more ice cream and pies.
The world is full of shitheads. If the lady in the story/the mystery sender (the Hooded Claw?) gets a kick from driving a teenie-bopper to hang themselves then that is their fetish. As the late Wacko once sang "It doesn't matter if your black or white". Anyone can be a wanker. With or without a computer.
They should look at coating the vehicles with tampons and fanny-pads. That'll absorb anything you could throw at it. May become a bit heavy if attacked with buckets of water though.
This chap should get himself some new technology...
I have a pair of sunglasses that can take videos and photo's too. This enables me to drive round colleges and other such places in summertime, take whatever pics I like and then wank off at home into the neighbours wheelie bin. They don't mind. They think it's a fox.
Just goes to show that this recession is hitting everyone. Butterflies are now unable to buy basic essentials such as raincoats and/or tiny umbrella's made of twigs and leaves. And, as most butterflies are now unemployed (yes Gordon - *your* fault) they are having to default on their mortgage payments and are thus being made homeless by the very insect banks bailed-out by us, the taxpayer! The tiny soup kitchens just cannot keep-up. Were it not for community-spirited ants and beetles the street-mortality rate would rocket.
What a sad day for Britain. And what a reflection of this poo Labour government.
Next they'll be getting tiny id-cards, which they'll have to keep in tiny wallets/purses and, due to the lack of pockets on a butterfly they are sure to loose them - resulting in an increased feeling of alienation which inturn will lead to more arrests and a spike of crime within the insect community as a whole. They know who the terrorists are - the spiders - so why don't they target them rather than install legislation which affects the honest, tax-paying insectiod? It's political correctness gone mad.
He was just following the commandment "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour". Surely he can't be booted out for telling the truth... he's a Christian whistle-blower...
Wossy didn't actually loose that much, if anything over this farce. The Beeb continued to pay the production company 'Hot Sauce' during Wossy's 12 week holiday. And who owns 'Hot Sauce'?? Yep, Wossy himself.
It's all bollocks, which is why I don't have a tv license (or a TV). The feckers at the license-agency - ran by Crapita - still threatened me with red-letters and court action. The letters and threats didn't actually stop until I threatened them with legal action.
We pay for the Beeb (well, I don't anymore) and then we also pay for the dvd's of the series they make with our (your) money. I think every taxpayer should be exempt for paying for the Beebs dvd's - as long as they can present a valid license.
Friday afternoon. I want to go home.
Master Baker
And she lived her life, like a kee-bab in the wind →#
The real money would be in taking a plastercast of her 'kebab' and then, after her death, making one of those flashlight things with her bits in it (you know what I'm talking about).
Actually, forget about the flashlight. You may need to use a bucket.
If Jade Goody is an indication of our society and the levels to which we've fallen, then we're all fecked.
On reflection that title sounds a bit wrong... mayeb I'll be in for a tazer'ing...
Coppers should be trained to shoot for the knackers/general crotch area. I imagine that a barb piercing your ball sack (or flaps) and then firing 50,000 volts into said area would hurt quite a lot. They could do it to immigrants to stop them having babies.
Then, when the victim is dancing on the floor the copper should stick their large boot into either the bastards peenie or gynie, depending on gender. Then they should mock their victim. With very harsh words/another shocking.
If I saw a car in the same lane as me, facing in my direction there would be something I'd be doing... slowing down and getting out of the way! For the judge to say that the text messages didn't contribute to the fatal crash is farcical. He obviously wasn't paying attention to what was on the road. For him to say "there was nothing I could do" is an insult to the chap he killed.
Remember that comment made about offenders being forcibly raped in prison (yep it was a dumb comment). I for one wouldn't give two fucks if Ahmed got gang-banged every day for the rest of this pathetically small sentence.
I agree with the other comments. When he gets out he won't have 'changed'. He'll still be a pompous shit head. Look at the way he threatened to mobilise 10,000 folks onto the streets of London in protest at Geert Wilders being invited to the House of Lords. He's a pompous, bullying, taxpayer-funded little shit.
"Somehow I'm not surprised that someone of your towering intellect can't tell the difference between Paris Hilton and a thumb."
And your great contribution to this comment page was what exactly? Sarcasm? Do you have anything to say on the story or as your post suggests, are you just a cock?
That's right, the government shouldn't focus on Isamic groups because there are tons of extremist Christians, Jews, Mormons, Quakers, Hindus and Budhists all queuing up to blow things up... What's that? Actually there are no extremist Christians, Jews, Mormons, Quakers, Hindus or Budhists wanting to blow us up in the name of their respective gods???
If Muslim communities do fuck all to tackle their own extremism then the government has to act.
These idiots should stop crying victim "Oh the government is picking on XXX community...".
If said XXX community took responsibility for their own inbreedings of violence and hatred then the UK would be a better place. The government is not targetting Muslim groups for the fun of it. Since Sept 11th there have been a recorded 12,757 deadly worldwide attacks by Muslims who justify their actions by passages from the Koran.
Don't want to get targetted by government legislation - take some responsibility and change your behaviour.
I'm sure people may take offence to this post. Don't really care. Any debate on Islam and the roots of it's violence are always silenced. Why is everyone scared about debating the issues?
Paris, because in a Sharia world she'd be forgotten.
Bryan, you are typical of the gimps who dress-up in perverse spandex and take to the streets with a 'poor-me' attitude. You are responsible for your own safety.
My experience with cyclists, and with some motor-bike riders too is that they will endanger themselves just to get to the front of a queue. It's not so bad with motor bikes because at least they leave you for dust when the lights go-green. All the cyclist succeeds in doing is creating a queue of angry drivers behind them. Green energy? Fuck off. What about the queue of cars and trucks behind you stuck in low gears?
I have to drive through a number of cuntry lanes to get to/get home from work. The area is full of cyclists. At one point I have to go up quite a steep hill. Even though there is a path no cyclist has yet get off their bike and walked it up the hill on the pavement. They all struggle, wobbling in-and out of their lane position (making overtaking impossible - on a hill will many blind bends), spandex-a-flashing and arse-cheeks akimbo. It's not a pretty sight.
And then, especially driving home at winter on unlit roads, the amount of feckers who think it's ok - ie not their responsibility... to cycle wearing nought but black, on a black bike with no lights. These feckers are very hard to see, especially with traffic coming the other way (headlights shining in your eyes). I've had some near-misses with these scum bags, and on each occassion they curse and throw abuse as if they own the road. It's my fault you're cycling at night dressed like a fucking ninja is it? Grow up. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like just to roll over them in my porsche. I imagine that, given their choice of dress their bodies wouldn't be found until morning, and by then they'd be nought but mush.
I think it's a good idea to legislate against dangerous driving on every vehicle - bit it a car, truck, tractor or a cycle etc. However, wrapping people up in legislation should not take away their social responsibilities. You choose to get into a car/truck/onto a bike etc - and you're responsible for your actions and subsequent consequences. Kill someone and it should be manslaughter - not a dangerous driving offence (which would mean a short sentence).
Blue-man picture, because it looks like a cyclist. Especially in winter. Where they still wear spandex!
Mandy, Blair and Brown like to dress up exclusively in peep-hole bra's, green wellington boots and blue wigs whilst they dance around (pilled-up to their eye balls) to the theme music from Fraggle Rock.
Each one then posts their discharge into a post box, which is actually just Cherie painted red, smiling and wearing a strap-on.
Could lighting your parps be used to power a small-sized combustion engine?
Feed a tube from your aniarse to a small engine housed on the back of a pair of rollerstates. To be fair you would have to pump out a lot to keep going.
Or you could pump-out into a pressurised container. When it's full it could beep at you, at which point you could slot it into your roller-skate or stakeboard engine.
Or just take it home, release it under the duvet in the morning (as your getting up for work) so when your wife gets up she thinks she's shit herself.
Flame, because farts and fire shouldn't really mix.
I've worked with useless Wipro folks before. The ones we got were as thick as pig shit. I was actually part of the interview process until so many were getting rejected (17 in a row) that my manager (Indian himself) asked for the list of questions we were using!! No joke. We gave him a dumbed-down list.
Their next trick was to have a 'customer representative' sat with the candidates during interviews (all interviews were initially phone based). The amount of times the phone went on mute whilst they the customer rep 'explained the question' to the candidate was crazy.
And then after a week of them having the dumbed-down question sheet we started getting scripted droid answers to the questions... until we asked them questions from the sheet we'd kept private, at which point they face on their asses again.
It was comical to watch but at the same time it wasted so much of our time that in the end we got quite pissed off.
Anyway, in the end both myself and the other interviewer was taken off 'interview duties'. Suprise suprise two weeks later six turned up!! My manager just over-ruled our decision.
We than had to live with these idiots for 2 years until I left the company (then got re-employed but in a different team).
We all thought that he was on the take back then...
Really, I am a master. I'm a master of the self-raising loaf, which I bake and I bake until it's stiff like a English French Loaf.
Carl Cestari was quite scary in his dvd's. Pretty much everything he instructed was for taking someone out as quickly as possible and with least effort. Nothing magical, just nasty stuff like eye gouges and testie-crushing. The strangest thing I saw him do was on a dvd for body conditioning where he smacked himself full-on on the chin/jawline with a metal bar. He's died of cancer now though.
Going back to the point of the combat training-for-purpose though, surely for 'those types of terrorist' all the Americans would need to do is drop a load of shoes and comic's into the target area. The 'terrorists' would likely riot and kill each other before the SEALS got there.
The chap was blackmailing people and abusing his powers as a copper - are you saying that it should be ignored just because he's a 'minority'?? You fucking idiot. It's people like you from the 'poor me' brigade that are ruining the country.
Do you have 'thick lips and black curly hair'? Is it a complex of yours, or is a recurring dream that you have whilst your father spanks your plank?
I found out yesterday that the S Bridge into Wales is actually owned by a French company. Imagine that. Each time I'm forced to drive into Wales I have to pay the French. Very strange state of affairs.
And, due to government corruption the French will also soon be building our nuclear reactors too.
Paris, because she too has foreign bodies within her infrastructure.
Master Baker
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way.... →#
I watched a TV show once about odd couples. This woman made her blokey shower with his doings tied-up in a plastic bag. Apparently she liked it stinky. Dirty cow. I'll bet she's a Stilton eater...
Whatever next? Flem stew? Winnet and cinnamon shortbread?
There was also a story not to long ago when computers on a train spotted a blokey in a field eating a horse. Well, to more more specific he was eating a certain part of said horse.
Perhaps he was on a survival weekend? People don't milk horses for fun, do they? Survival in rural Hampshire with ex-SAS trooper Andy McNab... and in this episode, Andy milks a horse for protein...
Shouldn't this book be banned under El Gov's new bad porn laws?
Don't buy or use a wii. If you've bought one then take it back.
The consumers are not the 'victims' here. They choose to use the wii, so fuck them.
I'd like to see companies in America start sueing consumers for 'being defective'.
Oh my straps broke because I'm violently swinging the remote at the TV.... hmmm... it's not my fault. I'm a victim. I could make some $$ here and buy some more hamburgers to fuel my McDonalds-created fat-arse... (nothing to do with me eating all this food. McDonalds made me fat. I'm the victim... I should sue them...).
I would suggest an adventurous ladies arse. In, out, shake it all about. You'd be productive and have fun at the same time.
It would be that one step closer towards that HR Giger human-computer fusion which really is the future. It's not garlic bread. That's not the future. Using a ladies arse to control your desktop and manage your files. Now that's the future.
This is actually quite a serious leak. Don't forget that whatever the views of these people they are just that - normal people. Having a political view is not a crime - and to all those who cry 'racists! racists! Hang the racists!' have you actually taken time to look at BNP policy. I make a point of looking at all (well, not the Lib Dems) party policy and only a small proportion [from the BNP] is about race. They do have a bad image granted, but before cries of racism lets have some concrete examples please!
And to everyone jumping on the media bandwagon and labelling all BNP members as racists, don't you think it's a bit stereotypical? It's a bit like saying *all* Muslims are evil and want to blow us up, don't you think?
Ah well, I'm sure the publisher of the list will sleep soundly if anyone on said list actually suffers harm by it. They same point could have been made in so many different ways - publishing a list of the jobs that members have for example. Yet another case of a political agenda shitting on normal people.... bit like the Iraq War (Fuck the people - I wants me oil)
It's the same when Celebs make a living from being in the public eye, then cry (boo-hoo) about privacy. They like to milk the media as long as it suits them.
Girls Aloud come across in all of their media attention as slags. They're not the first group and they won't be the last. They're not exactly classy... they all dress like bicycles and they do twist and pout their fannys onto the lens of the camera. Whereas Posh Spice suffers from facial pout, they do indeed suffer from Fanny Pout (like Lesley Ash - they really do have Trout Pout lol).
If they don't want people to create lurid fantasies about them then perhaps they should rein-in their sluttiness?
I have a fantasy about all the girls. Except the ginger one. She's not as pretty as the rest.
Paris, 'cause she doesn't have to flaunt her Flossy to be special.
A cheaper cream for anal bleaching is, well, bleach. Get some domestos, a wire brush, squat-down in your bathtub and become your rings worst enemy (or best friend - you decide).
Your exit hole was meant for waste duties. It's probably evolved into a shade of brown to cover-up the slops.
With a shiny-white hole you'd be able to spot a dangle-berry at 50 paces, which would put you right off your impending stroke.
That helicopter looks a bit like a naturally-aspirated a*hole.
Samsung UN55B8000 55" LED TV (Widescreen, 1920x1080, HDTV)
LG Electronics 42LH30 42" LCD TV (Widescreen, 1920x1080, HDTV)
Samsung UN55B8500 55" LED TV (Widescreen, 1920x1080, HDTV)
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117 posts • joined Friday 8th June 2007 12:38 GMT
Page:
Master Baker
Apple owns the world → #
Posted Wednesday 3rd March 2010 14:07 GMT
In Apple turns the flamethrower on Android
The guy who sits opposite me at work has an Apple. He's a cock.
Master Baker
Colour blind → #
Posted Thursday 11th February 2010 15:46 GMT
In John Mayer tweets remorse over Playboy interview
We're all pink on the inside.
Master Baker
Nice post → # ↑
Posted Monday 18th January 2010 15:28 GMT
In Discrimination warning over airport body scanners
But you're mental.
Not all muslims are 'brown' as you put it. And Islam is not a race - it's a religion.
Master Baker
Hmmm → #
Posted Monday 18th January 2010 12:14 GMT
In Discrimination warning over airport body scanners
It's been discussed in another article that the X-Ray scanners won't stop a committed bomber, but I'm bored from hearing statements like this :
"The Commission yesterday warned Johnson that discrimination on racial or religious grounds is illegal."
Why is discrimination on religious grounds illegal (I agree with racial discrimination being a bit shit)? I thought it was pretty clear that the folks who want to kill western people/any non-muslim (this time round) are Islamists? Why can't they/shouldn't they receive a bit more attention?
Master Baker
@where pray tell → #
Posted Tuesday 29th September 2009 14:22 GMT
In Vodafone joins the iPhone throng
Expansys are selling unlocked ones. But they're around £900 a pop.
Too much for my wallet. I'd rather spend it on crack and whores. And beer.
Master Baker
License → #
Posted Tuesday 7th July 2009 21:27 GMT
In Ukraine slaps ban on all porn
I'm not sure what it is now, but in Pakistan you used to have to prove you had an illness to get an alcohol allowance - so you basically had to prove that you were/are an alchy.
I wonder if they'll be doing the same thing here? You have to prove that wanking is a medical condition in order to get a 'license to wank'? The examination could be interesting. Ready, set... wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank wank...
Although in the article it's just the possession of porn that is illegal? So infact you could still wank, albeit with just a bit more use of your imagination. Perhaps that's it? The government of the Ukraine wants to stimulate the minds of its population more. They're not getting enough mental exercise. Rather than use their imaginations, hoards of Ukrainians just prefer to spend all of their time lurched-over the sofa, watching/reading filth and pumping their fists (or fingers - I'm not sexist).
This isn't censorship at all. It's Brain Training (like that wii/DS title) on a country-wide scale.
Master Baker
The future → #
Posted Tuesday 7th July 2009 13:54 GMT
In Orange calls up LG watchphone
Next we'll be making calls via our condom(s). Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelo! My my, what an echo! Reception might be shit though.
The camera would, erm, come in use... left a bit, right a bit... found it :-)
Master Baker
These people → #
Posted Friday 3rd July 2009 13:16 GMT
In Conviction overturned in MySpace suicide case
I had a big fat lady friend who got sucked-in by some 'Nigerian' chap from 'Manchester' on a dating site she subscribes to. Despite all the warning signs she continued to pursue it in the hope of a jump.
After a year (in which she was involved (through him) with the police), she finally questioned him about his credentials. All she got was a tirade of abuse. The abuse continued for months. His account was barred, so he joined-up with another account and continued the abuse.
In the end she left the site because she couldn't take it anymore. She didn't kill herself (she came close), but she did cry alot. And ate much more ice cream and pies.
The world is full of shitheads. If the lady in the story/the mystery sender (the Hooded Claw?) gets a kick from driving a teenie-bopper to hang themselves then that is their fetish. As the late Wacko once sang "It doesn't matter if your black or white". Anyone can be a wanker. With or without a computer.
Beer. Cause it's lunchtime.
Master Baker
no title → #
Posted Friday 3rd July 2009 10:23 GMT
In Satanic blob beast menaces North Carolina
Are they edible? Could be a solution to third world hunger. I'd bet the Koreans would eat them. They eat anything. And the Thai's. They love cock*.
*cockrel
Master Baker
Great idea → #
Posted Friday 26th June 2009 13:48 GMT
In Brit firm stops anti-tank warheads with cloth
They should look at coating the vehicles with tampons and fanny-pads. That'll absorb anything you could throw at it. May become a bit heavy if attacked with buckets of water though.
Master Baker
We need the lights on at night → #
Posted Wednesday 10th June 2009 12:53 GMT
In One fifth of humanity deprived of Milky Way
To keep the Morlocks at bay.
They mostly come out at night. Mostly.
Master Baker
Glasses → #
Posted Friday 15th May 2009 13:31 GMT
In Ireland's 'most romantic man' is complete w*nker
This chap should get himself some new technology...
I have a pair of sunglasses that can take videos and photo's too. This enables me to drive round colleges and other such places in summertime, take whatever pics I like and then wank off at home into the neighbours wheelie bin. They don't mind. They think it's a fox.
Master Baker
How much meat could you get off a human? → #
Posted Tuesday 12th May 2009 12:13 GMT
In Cops collar Russian punting dog dressed as lamb
I wouldn't mind eating a person - once to try. I would start with my old geography teacher. She was a moose so probably would last me for some weeks.
Master Baker
Cracking → #
Posted Monday 11th May 2009 12:11 GMT
In Playboy to take on World of Warcraft with Bunny-themed MMORG
nuff said.
Master Baker
I used to be an extremist too! → #
Posted Thursday 9th April 2009 18:33 GMT
In Whitehall to train pro-West Islamic groups to game Google
Please can I have some money now.
Master Baker
It's all just a bit of harmless fun → #
Posted Wednesday 8th April 2009 13:48 GMT
In British film board rejects 'disturbing' sexual torture film
Taken aside each component sounds a bit horrible :
1) Doing a wee without intent - just ask any old person
2) Taking a bath on a board (times were hard in them days)
3) Electricity being ploughed into your flossy - potentially could be used to seal a wound; perhaps she was injured?
4) Mental torture. That is gruesome. My ex was into that. She was a monster.
5) Physical torture. See point #4.
6) Sexual abuse. One of the reasons my aforementioned ex and I split up. Not enough of it.
But all the individual parts come-together to form a whole.
It's a bit like football - the beautiful game. Except with more balls. And a flossy.
:-)
Master Baker
How do you get a Fat Bird into bed? → #
Posted Wednesday 8th April 2009 13:37 GMT
In Prof: Fat ladies don't get to be CEOs, lardy blokes do
Piece of cake...
Master Baker
Jacqui should get to know Islam → #
Posted Wednesday 8th April 2009 13:27 GMT
In Secret European project to battle online jihad
I for one think that Jacqui should get to know Islam better before making assumptions about it.
I would vote 100% for her to wear a Burka from now on for the following reasons :
1. It would help her to learn more about what she is trying to combat
2. She's a bit of a moose
3. It may muffle her facial piss-flaps from leaking verbal waste
Also muslim porn is rubbish. You don't see anything.
Master Baker
Poor butterflies → #
Posted Wednesday 8th April 2009 12:41 GMT
In UK butterfly numbers hit hard
I blame Labour.
Just goes to show that this recession is hitting everyone. Butterflies are now unable to buy basic essentials such as raincoats and/or tiny umbrella's made of twigs and leaves. And, as most butterflies are now unemployed (yes Gordon - *your* fault) they are having to default on their mortgage payments and are thus being made homeless by the very insect banks bailed-out by us, the taxpayer! The tiny soup kitchens just cannot keep-up. Were it not for community-spirited ants and beetles the street-mortality rate would rocket.
What a sad day for Britain. And what a reflection of this poo Labour government.
Next they'll be getting tiny id-cards, which they'll have to keep in tiny wallets/purses and, due to the lack of pockets on a butterfly they are sure to loose them - resulting in an increased feeling of alienation which inturn will lead to more arrests and a spike of crime within the insect community as a whole. They know who the terrorists are - the spiders - so why don't they target them rather than install legislation which affects the honest, tax-paying insectiod? It's political correctness gone mad.
Why oh why did we vote Labour?
Master Baker
"wide awake facelift" → #
Posted Wednesday 8th April 2009 12:41 GMT
In Can't get a job? Try plastic surgery
But it won't make your cock bigger
Master Baker
Question → #
Posted Monday 6th April 2009 12:08 GMT
In Vatican researcher claims Templars worshipped Turin Shroud
Did Jesus really exist then?
I thought he was a non-literal character- like Superman or Richard Branson?
Master Baker
Man of God → #
Posted Monday 6th April 2009 09:44 GMT
In Drunk Swedish pastor woos Christians online
He was just following the commandment "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour". Surely he can't be booted out for telling the truth... he's a Christian whistle-blower...
Master Baker
doh → #
Posted Friday 3rd April 2009 14:01 GMT
In BT cuts phone charges for prisoners
I read that wrong at first - I thought it said 'BT cuts phone charges for pensioners', not prisoners.
Next it will be cutting charges for illegals and minority groups....... :-P
Master Baker
Rich → #
Posted Friday 3rd April 2009 14:00 GMT
In BBC fined £150k over Manuelgate
Wossy didn't actually loose that much, if anything over this farce. The Beeb continued to pay the production company 'Hot Sauce' during Wossy's 12 week holiday. And who owns 'Hot Sauce'?? Yep, Wossy himself.
It's all bollocks, which is why I don't have a tv license (or a TV). The feckers at the license-agency - ran by Crapita - still threatened me with red-letters and court action. The letters and threats didn't actually stop until I threatened them with legal action.
We pay for the Beeb (well, I don't anymore) and then we also pay for the dvd's of the series they make with our (your) money. I think every taxpayer should be exempt for paying for the Beebs dvd's - as long as they can present a valid license.
Friday afternoon. I want to go home.
Master Baker
And she lived her life, like a kee-bab in the wind → #
Posted Tuesday 3rd March 2009 14:59 GMT
In Etailer flogs signed Jade Goody biog for £1,000
The real money would be in taking a plastercast of her 'kebab' and then, after her death, making one of those flashlight things with her bits in it (you know what I'm talking about).
Actually, forget about the flashlight. You may need to use a bucket.
If Jade Goody is an indication of our society and the levels to which we've fallen, then we're all fecked.
Master Baker
Fuck the Children → #
Posted Thursday 26th February 2009 13:18 GMT
In UK kiddies cop a righteous tasering
On reflection that title sounds a bit wrong... mayeb I'll be in for a tazer'ing...
Coppers should be trained to shoot for the knackers/general crotch area. I imagine that a barb piercing your ball sack (or flaps) and then firing 50,000 volts into said area would hurt quite a lot. They could do it to immigrants to stop them having babies.
Then, when the victim is dancing on the floor the copper should stick their large boot into either the bastards peenie or gynie, depending on gender. Then they should mock their victim. With very harsh words/another shocking.
Fuck the Children. Fuck them all.
Master Baker
"There was nothing he could do" → #
Posted Wednesday 25th February 2009 15:09 GMT
In Texting peer gets prison
If I saw a car in the same lane as me, facing in my direction there would be something I'd be doing... slowing down and getting out of the way! For the judge to say that the text messages didn't contribute to the fatal crash is farcical. He obviously wasn't paying attention to what was on the road. For him to say "there was nothing I could do" is an insult to the chap he killed.
Remember that comment made about offenders being forcibly raped in prison (yep it was a dumb comment). I for one wouldn't give two fucks if Ahmed got gang-banged every day for the rest of this pathetically small sentence.
I agree with the other comments. When he gets out he won't have 'changed'. He'll still be a pompous shit head. Look at the way he threatened to mobilise 10,000 folks onto the streets of London in protest at Geert Wilders being invited to the House of Lords. He's a pompous, bullying, taxpayer-funded little shit.
Master Baker
@David Wiernicki → #
Posted Thursday 19th February 2009 22:36 GMT
In College IT departments told to deploy anti-terror dragnet
"Somehow I'm not surprised that someone of your towering intellect can't tell the difference between Paris Hilton and a thumb."
And your great contribution to this comment page was what exactly? Sarcasm? Do you have anything to say on the story or as your post suggests, are you just a cock?
Paris just for you.
Master Baker
Political correctness again → #
Posted Thursday 19th February 2009 14:09 GMT
In College IT departments told to deploy anti-terror dragnet
That's right, the government shouldn't focus on Isamic groups because there are tons of extremist Christians, Jews, Mormons, Quakers, Hindus and Budhists all queuing up to blow things up... What's that? Actually there are no extremist Christians, Jews, Mormons, Quakers, Hindus or Budhists wanting to blow us up in the name of their respective gods???
If Muslim communities do fuck all to tackle their own extremism then the government has to act.
These idiots should stop crying victim "Oh the government is picking on XXX community...".
If said XXX community took responsibility for their own inbreedings of violence and hatred then the UK would be a better place. The government is not targetting Muslim groups for the fun of it. Since Sept 11th there have been a recorded 12,757 deadly worldwide attacks by Muslims who justify their actions by passages from the Koran.
Don't want to get targetted by government legislation - take some responsibility and change your behaviour.
I'm sure people may take offence to this post. Don't really care. Any debate on Islam and the roots of it's violence are always silenced. Why is everyone scared about debating the issues?
Paris, because in a Sharia world she'd be forgotten.
Master Baker
What's wrong with animal sex? → #
Posted Wednesday 21st January 2009 16:26 GMT
In Scotland's porn laws: Can we talk about this like grown-ups?
When you look at their little eyes, it's almost as if they understand :-)
Master Baker
She is stupid → #
Posted Wednesday 21st January 2009 15:10 GMT
In Rapists should be raped, declares Jordan
But I would like a ride on her milkers
Master Baker
Cows have it easy → #
Posted Thursday 15th January 2009 13:53 GMT
In Cows can't detect earthquakes: Official
They just stand in a field all day and get milked.
If I stood in a field waiting to get milked I'd get arrested.
Master Baker
Could get confused with other professions → #
Posted Tuesday 13th January 2009 13:30 GMT
In Librarians redubbed 'audience development officers'
'Audience Development Officer' would be a great 'official' title for a porn star. After all, they develop their audiences to [a] climax.
Could equally be applied to Prophets. "He's not an Audience Development Officer, he's just a very naughy boy"
Master Baker
@Bryan Reed get a life - by AC → #
Posted Tuesday 13th January 2009 13:25 GMT
In National Safety Council seeks total* cell-phone driving ban
Totally agree with this post.
Bryan, you are typical of the gimps who dress-up in perverse spandex and take to the streets with a 'poor-me' attitude. You are responsible for your own safety.
My experience with cyclists, and with some motor-bike riders too is that they will endanger themselves just to get to the front of a queue. It's not so bad with motor bikes because at least they leave you for dust when the lights go-green. All the cyclist succeeds in doing is creating a queue of angry drivers behind them. Green energy? Fuck off. What about the queue of cars and trucks behind you stuck in low gears?
I have to drive through a number of cuntry lanes to get to/get home from work. The area is full of cyclists. At one point I have to go up quite a steep hill. Even though there is a path no cyclist has yet get off their bike and walked it up the hill on the pavement. They all struggle, wobbling in-and out of their lane position (making overtaking impossible - on a hill will many blind bends), spandex-a-flashing and arse-cheeks akimbo. It's not a pretty sight.
And then, especially driving home at winter on unlit roads, the amount of feckers who think it's ok - ie not their responsibility... to cycle wearing nought but black, on a black bike with no lights. These feckers are very hard to see, especially with traffic coming the other way (headlights shining in your eyes). I've had some near-misses with these scum bags, and on each occassion they curse and throw abuse as if they own the road. It's my fault you're cycling at night dressed like a fucking ninja is it? Grow up. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like just to roll over them in my porsche. I imagine that, given their choice of dress their bodies wouldn't be found until morning, and by then they'd be nought but mush.
I think it's a good idea to legislate against dangerous driving on every vehicle - bit it a car, truck, tractor or a cycle etc. However, wrapping people up in legislation should not take away their social responsibilities. You choose to get into a car/truck/onto a bike etc - and you're responsible for your actions and subsequent consequences. Kill someone and it should be manslaughter - not a dangerous driving offence (which would mean a short sentence).
Blue-man picture, because it looks like a cyclist. Especially in winter. Where they still wear spandex!
Master Baker
Party → #
Posted Monday 12th January 2009 15:29 GMT
In Peter Mandelson exerts party discipline in cyberspace
Mandy, Blair and Brown like to dress up exclusively in peep-hole bra's, green wellington boots and blue wigs whilst they dance around (pilled-up to their eye balls) to the theme music from Fraggle Rock.
Each one then posts their discharge into a post box, which is actually just Cherie painted red, smiling and wearing a strap-on.
They are fucking sick.
Master Baker
Guff engine → #
Posted Monday 12th January 2009 15:29 GMT
In Forget Google rationing: Only lighting farts can save the planet
Could lighting your parps be used to power a small-sized combustion engine?
Feed a tube from your aniarse to a small engine housed on the back of a pair of rollerstates. To be fair you would have to pump out a lot to keep going.
Or you could pump-out into a pressurised container. When it's full it could beep at you, at which point you could slot it into your roller-skate or stakeboard engine.
Or just take it home, release it under the duvet in the morning (as your getting up for work) so when your wife gets up she thinks she's shit herself.
Flame, because farts and fire shouldn't really mix.
Master Baker
Worked with Wipro before → #
Posted Monday 12th January 2009 15:22 GMT
In World Bank confirms Wipro is on contractor blacklist
I've worked with useless Wipro folks before. The ones we got were as thick as pig shit. I was actually part of the interview process until so many were getting rejected (17 in a row) that my manager (Indian himself) asked for the list of questions we were using!! No joke. We gave him a dumbed-down list.
Their next trick was to have a 'customer representative' sat with the candidates during interviews (all interviews were initially phone based). The amount of times the phone went on mute whilst they the customer rep 'explained the question' to the candidate was crazy.
And then after a week of them having the dumbed-down question sheet we started getting scripted droid answers to the questions... until we asked them questions from the sheet we'd kept private, at which point they face on their asses again.
It was comical to watch but at the same time it wasted so much of our time that in the end we got quite pissed off.
Anyway, in the end both myself and the other interviewer was taken off 'interview duties'. Suprise suprise two weeks later six turned up!! My manager just over-ruled our decision.
We than had to live with these idiots for 2 years until I left the company (then got re-employed but in a different team).
We all thought that he was on the take back then...
Master Baker
I'm a Master too → #
Posted Thursday 8th January 2009 12:46 GMT
In Navy SEALs look to grapple with Brazilian
And so's my wife.
Really, I am a master. I'm a master of the self-raising loaf, which I bake and I bake until it's stiff like a English French Loaf.
Carl Cestari was quite scary in his dvd's. Pretty much everything he instructed was for taking someone out as quickly as possible and with least effort. Nothing magical, just nasty stuff like eye gouges and testie-crushing. The strangest thing I saw him do was on a dvd for body conditioning where he smacked himself full-on on the chin/jawline with a metal bar. He's died of cancer now though.
Going back to the point of the combat training-for-purpose though, surely for 'those types of terrorist' all the Americans would need to do is drop a load of shoes and comic's into the target area. The 'terrorists' would likely riot and kill each other before the SEALS got there.
Master Baker
@Tony Paulazzo → #
Posted Saturday 20th December 2008 20:52 GMT
In Corrupt cop abused police database to blackmail child abusers
You are a cock and a retard; a cocktard.
The chap was blackmailing people and abusing his powers as a copper - are you saying that it should be ignored just because he's a 'minority'?? You fucking idiot. It's people like you from the 'poor me' brigade that are ruining the country.
Do you have 'thick lips and black curly hair'? Is it a complex of yours, or is a recurring dream that you have whilst your father spanks your plank?
Master Baker
Revelation → #
Posted Friday 19th December 2008 23:42 GMT
In Chinese spy scare sours Australia's plans for nationwide broadband
I found out yesterday that the S Bridge into Wales is actually owned by a French company. Imagine that. Each time I'm forced to drive into Wales I have to pay the French. Very strange state of affairs.
And, due to government corruption the French will also soon be building our nuclear reactors too.
Paris, because she too has foreign bodies within her infrastructure.
Master Baker
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way.... → #
Posted Friday 12th December 2008 16:45 GMT
In Contractors and managers hit in Alcatel-Lucent layoffs
to the dole queue.
Master Baker
Like a fine wine and cheeses... → #
Posted Friday 12th December 2008 16:35 GMT
In Mixed reviews for semen-based recipe book
Lol.
I watched a TV show once about odd couples. This woman made her blokey shower with his doings tied-up in a plastic bag. Apparently she liked it stinky. Dirty cow. I'll bet she's a Stilton eater...
Whatever next? Flem stew? Winnet and cinnamon shortbread?
There was also a story not to long ago when computers on a train spotted a blokey in a field eating a horse. Well, to more more specific he was eating a certain part of said horse.
Perhaps he was on a survival weekend? People don't milk horses for fun, do they? Survival in rural Hampshire with ex-SAS trooper Andy McNab... and in this episode, Andy milks a horse for protein...
Shouldn't this book be banned under El Gov's new bad porn laws?
Jobs, cause I'll bet he's given a few
Master Baker
Easy → #
Posted Friday 12th December 2008 16:00 GMT
In Nintendo whacked with $5m Wii strap lawsuit
Don't buy or use a wii. If you've bought one then take it back.
The consumers are not the 'victims' here. They choose to use the wii, so fuck them.
I'd like to see companies in America start sueing consumers for 'being defective'.
Oh my straps broke because I'm violently swinging the remote at the TV.... hmmm... it's not my fault. I'm a victim. I could make some $$ here and buy some more hamburgers to fuel my McDonalds-created fat-arse... (nothing to do with me eating all this food. McDonalds made me fat. I'm the victim... I should sue them...).
Dickheads.
Master Baker
Real desktop 3D interaction → #
Posted Friday 12th December 2008 15:51 GMT
In Apple files 3D-interface patent
would require a new input/output device surely?
I would suggest an adventurous ladies arse. In, out, shake it all about. You'd be productive and have fun at the same time.
It would be that one step closer towards that HR Giger human-computer fusion which really is the future. It's not garlic bread. That's not the future. Using a ladies arse to control your desktop and manage your files. Now that's the future.
TFI Friday.
Master Baker
Pot and Kettle → #
Posted Wednesday 19th November 2008 16:08 GMT
In BNP races to get membership list off the net
This is actually quite a serious leak. Don't forget that whatever the views of these people they are just that - normal people. Having a political view is not a crime - and to all those who cry 'racists! racists! Hang the racists!' have you actually taken time to look at BNP policy. I make a point of looking at all (well, not the Lib Dems) party policy and only a small proportion [from the BNP] is about race. They do have a bad image granted, but before cries of racism lets have some concrete examples please!
And to everyone jumping on the media bandwagon and labelling all BNP members as racists, don't you think it's a bit stereotypical? It's a bit like saying *all* Muslims are evil and want to blow us up, don't you think?
Ah well, I'm sure the publisher of the list will sleep soundly if anyone on said list actually suffers harm by it. They same point could have been made in so many different ways - publishing a list of the jobs that members have for example. Yet another case of a political agenda shitting on normal people.... bit like the Iraq War (Fuck the people - I wants me oil)
Master Baker
Genius → #
Posted Wednesday 19th November 2008 15:28 GMT
In Oz driver pulled with todger in pasta sauce jar
What a cracking story (sorry)
Master Baker
Quick query → #
Posted Tuesday 18th November 2008 14:49 GMT
In Beeb gets its rocks off in Second Life
Is it possible to purchase both a dong and a flossy and then fuck yourself?
I might give it a go, sounds like fun.
Master Baker
Quickie → #
Posted Friday 14th November 2008 19:12 GMT
In 'Ruggedised, weaponised' raygun modules now on sale
Do lasers have advantages over conventional cannon?
I often strap a laser pointer to my hard knob to freak out street prozzies.
Master Baker
very true → #
Posted Wednesday 12th November 2008 14:10 GMT
In Starlust: love, hate and celebrity fantasies
It's the same when Celebs make a living from being in the public eye, then cry (boo-hoo) about privacy. They like to milk the media as long as it suits them.
Girls Aloud come across in all of their media attention as slags. They're not the first group and they won't be the last. They're not exactly classy... they all dress like bicycles and they do twist and pout their fannys onto the lens of the camera. Whereas Posh Spice suffers from facial pout, they do indeed suffer from Fanny Pout (like Lesley Ash - they really do have Trout Pout lol).
If they don't want people to create lurid fantasies about them then perhaps they should rein-in their sluttiness?
I have a fantasy about all the girls. Except the ginger one. She's not as pretty as the rest.
Paris, 'cause she doesn't have to flaunt her Flossy to be special.
Master Baker
Expensive anal bleaching → #
Posted Wednesday 12th November 2008 12:16 GMT
In Anal whitening biz drops one million clams for Vibrators.com
A cheaper cream for anal bleaching is, well, bleach. Get some domestos, a wire brush, squat-down in your bathtub and become your rings worst enemy (or best friend - you decide).
Your exit hole was meant for waste duties. It's probably evolved into a shade of brown to cover-up the slops.
With a shiny-white hole you'd be able to spot a dangle-berry at 50 paces, which would put you right off your impending stroke.
That helicopter looks a bit like a naturally-aspirated a*hole.
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